I never thought I'd be "one of those women" who hated the idea of turning 30. Can't say I'm fully there or even where I'm celebrating my 1st anniversary of being 29... It has, however, brought with it an air of seriousness, I guess. I mean, looking back on my previous 30ish years, am I who I want to be and am I on the path I want to be on? And furthermore, who do I want to be and where do I want to be going?
No, I don't own a home and I don't have children (albeit, I'm a mother of two lovely young kitties!)... I'm not exactly out of debt (although my student loans were forgiven less than a week ago- happy early birthday to me, AES!)... I'm not where I want to be physically (really contemplating joining the Medifast plan!)... I just switched careers in an unstable job market...
I don't know... by society's standards, I might not be "on track" for being 30, but no matter how much I realize these "milestones" in a typical life in America and how they have not happened... I'm pretty pleased with my life.
I attribute that to my choice to learn from my ridiculous 20's- the unbearable loneliness and stupid decisions that resulted from it, consuming way too much alcohol and too many cigarettes, rocky relationships with my parents and family, buying wardrobes of clothing from Lane Bryant and Old Navy and entering a debt management program consequently, starting a teaching career I didn't feel prepared for and fumbling through it, doubting God existed because things didn't go according to my plans, living in 4 different cities with multiple roommates, owning 3 different cars, switching my group of friends many times due to circumstances, immature disagreements, or because we grew apart...
Yet, in an overall sense, I came out of my 20's unscathed and oozing with peace and joy.
The foundation of my peace and joy is my relationship with God. Through all the ups and downs and highs and lows and ins and outs of my 20's... God was there. When I doubted Him, he proved himself and drew me closer-though some issues took years to resolve. The turning point in my life was when I stopped having an agenda and began trusting His. Out of the last decade of my life, He has given me the best parts of my life, the things that will last- a wonderful, loving, husband who makes it his personal job to make me smile and listen sincerely to whatever comes out of my mouth, friends who are true, faithful and are still there once the backyard BBQs stopped, opportunities to love and care for a slew of wonderful teenagers, compassion for others, discernment between things of this world and His world, true peace and joy that goes beyond what could ever make sense to this world, and a hope for the future that is renewed, "Every new day again" (FIF)!!!
With a tear in my eye, I said something along these lines to Michael this morning, "Man... if the past 2 years has been this amazing, isn't it overwhelming to think what wonderful things will come?" I know things will be great, because God promises that to those who love Him. I'm not naive to think my 30's won't bring sickness, possible death, heartache, and other things that could rock my world, but He has taught me to trust and praise him in ALL things.
So as I look boldly forward at this next decade of my life, I won't be ruled by anxiety, fear, doubt or uncertainty; instead, I will put my trust, hope, and faith in the Lord and praise Him through it ALL!! Amen!!
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
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