One Year Down! Readers Want to Know...

I never posted this, but it's dated 2.4.14- Just one week before we learned we were chosen for the cottage. That might have to be for a whole other post.


Not sure how many "followers" this poor abandoned blog still has... but this entry will be dedicated to the last year of my life. Last night during a Skype session with my mother, she asked me- Would you choose to do it again if you could go back?

It is surely a loaded question.

Over the past year, Michael and I have been through a lot. More than most newlyweds probably choose to submit themselves to... BUT... I would have to say yes and here is why:

Is it because the adults at this program have finally accepted us into the little family that is OHB? No. In fact, to this very day, we are still struggling with the relationships on campus with other adults (even though they consist of about 1 hour of interaction every 9 days, or less). We have been wrongly accused many times. We have been lied about behind our backs. We have had to endure the most immature game of tattling I've ever experienced. This place has nothing on 3rd grade.

Is it because God has sent the right people into our lives at the right time? Yes. While we have certainly had our fair share of issues with adults, God has sent us a wonderful couple- the Keils- to help us here. They have been a light in the darkness to us. They have been our spiritual warriors, side-by-side with us during all the attacks. He has also sent us gifted pastors to minister to us and speak to our situation and encourage us. He also provided the right people in the office that believe in us.

Is it because we have gotten what we wanted here at OHB? No. We are still waiting to hear about this ever elusive cottage. We interviewed about 2 weeks ago now and only by chance did I talk to someone who said they have to fill the 7 empty beds on campus before considering opening the new cottage. No one bothered to explain that as the reason we haven't heard anything from anyone and was waiting on pins and needles to find out our fate. On a different note, we worked in a great cottage and a miserable one. About 5 months ago, we were told we would be switching cottages. Was it finally that we were leaving the miserable one? Of course not. God's got a good sense of humor like that.

Is it because we have gotten what we needed here at OHB? Yes. I think Michael and I could be given a child tomorrow and be awesome parents. We have learned so much about boundaries, expectations, consequences, praising, teaching, correcting, scheduling and what the lack of any of those can do. We have had to lean on Jesus, in a way that my life just hasn't required me to before. I've been taught that God is faithful, trustworthy, working all things out for my good and His glory, refining me, and gives us everything we NEED. I'm always reminded of the song by Rolling Stones- "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need". :-) Life has slowly taught me the difference. God knew Michael and I needed to live half the country away from everyone we know and love to learn these precious lessons.

Man, all I can do is sing of God's awesomeness! He has surely revealed this to us over the past year.

                                                             "We Won't Be Shaken"
                                                                    by Building 429

This world has nothing for me
This life is not my own
I know You go before me and I am not alone
This mountain rises higher
The way seems so unclear
But I know that You go with me so I will never fear
I will trust in You

Whatever will come our way
Through fire or pouring rain
We won't be shaken
No we won't be shaken
Whatever tomorrow brings
Together we'll rise and sing
That we won't be shaken
No we won't be shaken

You know my every longing
You've heard my every prayer
You've held me in my weakness
Cause You are always there
So I'll stand in full surrender
It's Your way and not my own
My mind is set on nothing less
Than You and You alone
I will not be moved oh

Whatever will come our way
Through fire or pouring rain
We won't be shaken
No we won't be shaken
Whatever tomorrow brings
Together we'll rise and sing
That we won't be shaken
No we won't be shaken

We will trust in You
We will not be moved
We will trust in You
And we won't be shaken
No we won't be shaken

Disciples Need Discipline!

Well looky here, a second post, just about a week after the last one!! I might be onto something here, but don't hold your breath!!

The title of this post was today's sermon. It was so aptly timed. As the summer winds down in all its spontaneous splendor, I hope to gain the structure that comes with the beginning of school. I have learned in my 30 years that it's easier to establish routine from the get go, than to try and create a new routine after habits are already formed.

Here's my tentative schedule:

8:00- Get back to our apartment
8:15- Leave for the gym
9:00- Home from gym, take shower
9:30- Make breakfast and eat it
10:00- Start reading and studying the bible (I love doing topical studies and want to start by reading what the bible says about toil, discipline, and desires-since they motivate what we do...)
11:00- Down time
11:30- Lunch at the Dining Hall (free salad every day!)
12:00- Nap
2:00- Get up and ready for the evening
2:30- Be back at cottage for boys to arrive home and assistants to come in

Here's the verse the sermon was based on:

1 Timothy 4:6-10

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ If you point these things out to the brothers and sisters, you will be a good minister of Christ Jesus, nourished on the truths of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed. ⁷ Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. ⁸ For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. ⁹ This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. ¹⁰ That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe.

Since I'm all over the place anyways, I will leave you with the song that popped into my head first thing this morning, I do believe the Holy Spirit was helping set the tone for today- one of self-reflection, change and ultimate victory!! Here's an oldie, but goodie:

Trading My Sorrows

"I am pressed but not crushed,
Persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the curse
For His promise will endure
That His joy is gonna be my strength
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes in the morning

I'm trading my sorrows
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord
I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord
And we're singing

Yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord
Yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord
Yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord, Amen"

Amen, Lord!!

I just want to take a mushy moment and give a shout out to my wonderful husband, Michael! He always has a smile on his face and always sees the silver lining on even the darkest clouds. He has been my sunshine during my stormiest days. I'm forever thankful for him! God has truly blessed me with the perfect life mate. Thank You, Lord!

Love and God Bless!!
Lena

One of the Final Nights of Summer

Welp. The once a week thing ended as soon as it started. Maybe baby steps of once a month is more like it? The crazy thing is, time is just flying by here. I can barely keep up! I think that just might be one of the ways God is blessing us. The summer that everyone warned us about is just about at an end. We survived!! I mean, I might have spoken too soon, as the boys start school in 2 days, but I'm thinking there's not much they can pull on us that they haven't already. I should have kept tabs (probably good that I didn't...) on how many non-compliances and near non-compliances (essentially temper tantrums) occurred. This summer definitely forced us to grow and learn exponentially. Reflecting back, I think I can safely say that I'm thankful for all the experiences we went through. The worst that happened was some name calling, but after stories we've heard, we think we have slipped through pretty unscathed.

The boys are all at the Recreation Center playing basketball, including my Michael. I'm waiting for a youth to get back from work. I know he'll want a shower and probably won't be interested in the game, which means some peace and quiet for me. Thank You, Lord! I've had an odd headache most of today, which is really odd for me. I think I'll read Neil Gaiman's American Gods. I finished his Stardust book last week and adored it! He has such a great style about his writing. So illustrative. It's really like reading a movie.

Any who... the school routine will do everyone some good. The boys can only handle basketball, TV and video games so much. I think they are at their saturation point. Michael and I, on the other hand, will benefit from more down time to do normal people things like go shopping, return library books and nap instead of working non-stop from 7AM-10PM (on average). It's exhausting just thinking about some of those days.

We applied for our own cottage last week. Interviewed with three ladies from the office, then had an impromptu visit from a couple more office staff in the cottage and haven't heard anything further. Word on the street is, when you're chosen for the cottage, you find out right away. I'm guessing that means we will not be opening the Buck Cottage in September. There is still the Shrine Cottage, which is where we live, that is opening in November. That is truly our dream. We are, however, open to whatever is decided. We are trusting that God has us and will put us exactly where we are meant to be! That is a living, breathing lesson in our lives right now. We want to actively trust that God's plan for all of this is awesome and it will lead us to great things.

I think one of my personal struggles with this job is that the boys are placed here and most of my experiences with teenagers is that they chose to be where they were- church and SciTech. So, I'm dealing with boys who are angry, feel trapped and like they don't have many choices. I try to point out the choices they do have- over their feelings, thoughts and actions each day. Some days I feel like that empowerment message goes in one ear and out the other. I'm learning that so many people, of all ages and flavors, prefer to be the "victim" in their lives instead of the victor. I know why- it's easier to blame someone (or in some cases, everyone) else for the way your life is, than reflect and see just how much you are contributing to it... It's hard to see that I'm making any difference in these boys' lives because deep-rooted lessons like that don't necessarily take effect right away.

I keep reminding myself that God has put us here to till the soil, sprinkle the seeds, water them, be the sunlight or even prune the plants that have already grown. I might never see my work, but I have to trust that God will use each redirection, prayer, and conversation for His good.

I don't talk about it much, but I really do miss my friends and family. I think most people assume that it's a given... but I think it might be therapeutic to talk about.

I miss my SMUCCers. I missed this year's mission trip. I have been on all the others. I felt like I should have been there, doing vespers, making memories, singing Disney... I miss seeing all my kiddos and catching up on their lives. I miss girls' nights and lock-ins and Poconos retreats.

I miss my friends. Gosh, I took for granted being able to call someone up and make plans to meet them somewhere within half an hour. I miss getting out a calendar and planning things in the future. Having someone to mindlessly go shopping with (Michael is done with shopping forever... God love him that he does it just to keep me company...)...

I miss my family. My nephew is growing up without me in his life. That really bums me out... I want to be there to help my brothers in all they are up to in their lives. I miss my mom's cooking. I miss all the chaos and craziness.

But... to end on a positive note, God is great! We are here for a time to do His will and I know He will bless that. Hopefully by someday soon bringing us back to our families and friends. For now, we will strive to embrace obedience, learn to find peace in the storms of life and not let anyone steal our smile! :-)

Love and God Bless!!

Long Time, No Post

Well, well.

It has been almost 3 months exactly since our last post. I'm going to try and get better at that. I have a goal of updating at least once a week. I think that will help me to look back and see how much progress we are making.

I'll do updates categorically:

Physically

Since the last blog, we began Medifast. Michael has lost 50 pounds and I have lost 30 pounds! We are feeling pretty great. We joined the Planet Fitness 5 minutes from campus. Last week I went to the gym after the boys went to sleep, around 10:30 pm and it was the perfect way to wind down. I need to do that more often! Right now, Michael isn't walking too well. He pulled something in his back and has been pretty much bedridden our entire 3-days off. We have been hoping and praying that it works itself out soon.

Mentally

I started reading Stardust by Neil Gaiman- love his stuff!! I have a personal goal to read 50 pages a week. Working out has really helped me mentally as well. I feel like it burns all my negative thoughts away.

Spiritually

Michael found an awesome little church called Coram Deo. It seems to be everything we want in a church. It's the perfect music style (hymns and contemporary), wonderful biblical teaching and super friendly people. The first time we went there, we prayed for God to help us connect with the people there and low and behold right after the service, a couple approached us and invited us to lunch! God is awesome. God has also brought the Keil Family into our lives. They are a new Christian couple with a teenage daughter and they are just wonderful! We instantly connected with them and have enjoyed their company for a game night, visiting farmer's markets, going to the library and just talking. They have prayed with us before our rotation begins and it's just been such a blessing! Thank You, Lord!

Professionally

Work  has been alright. Summer makes for really long days, but it hasn't been that bad. We got a new supervisor, who is also the head of the whole residential programming, and he has really helped us. He has rebuilt our morale and our confidence in what we are doing. That has been an answered prayer! Things overall haven't changed that much- circumstantially- but having a new supervisor, having Christian friends to share our load and pray for us, a better attitude, the gym to burn off stress and perspective have changed our outlook.

Other updates: 

Grandma wasn't doing to well for a little bit there. She got stents placed in her heart and that surgery ended up causing issues with her kidneys and they were playing around with her medication. It was kinda scary for a while there. She seems to be doing better. Prayers are appreciated!!

My brother Cory fell at work and really hurt his back. Keep him in your prayers, too, please!

One of my former students, called me out of the blue. Just to check in and see how things were going and to update me on all that he had done the second half of the school year and this summer so far. It made my heart smile.

I learned that Nebraska can fire you without a reason. That's fun. Hopefully that won't mean anything to us in our time here.

We are planning a trip to visit Michael's grandfather within the next few weeks. We also have a trip planned to go to Florida at the end of October, beginning of November for our anniversary. I will start the count down soon!

Love you all!!

No News is Good News??

Today is day 1 of our new 6-day rotation. I realized the other day that I have completely reversed my schedule. While I used to only worry about kids from 8 AM- 3 PM, it's now the only free time I have besides our 3-days off.

It's been pretty uneventful. There are still some inter-staff relational stuff, but we keep reminding ourselves that we are here for the kids and that God has us here for a reason. He's protecting us and growing us through all of this.

We have cable now and we didn't for quite some time. Now that I have had cable for a while, I'm certain that the only thing I missed out on was Key & Peele. This show is amazing. It's the highlight of my days. :-) Watching that with a kitty cuddled on my lap and a kitty cuddled at my head  makes life complete.

I started reading The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. I'm about 50 pages in and it's fantastic. I need fed and I think this is perfect. Shane's experience reminds me of my own. He was confused by his experience with church and other Christians, yet hungry for God. I'm glad he's sharing his story. While reading this, I'm already inspired to be a missionary. I think that's part of our equation somewhere down the road. We keep saying we want to live off grid and I think there's quite literally many opportunities to do God's will off grid. Interesting to think and dream about... One main obstacle in our way is our health, but hopefully we have a solution to that...

Michael and I are starting Medifast in about a week. We are excited to finally be healthy. I will be taking before pictures, but until there's a significant loss, I don't think I'll post any just yet. :-) We will post progress, just not pictures.

Other than that, prayer warriors... Keep sending the love!! Thanks!

Winning Big with a Weekend Off

We enjoyed our first weekend off since training. It was awesome! Friday was our typical snooze day. We basically sleep all day and play video games. Around 8 PM, we decided to head to Ameristar Casino. We ate and drank at the Amerisports Bar. Then we found our way to the penny slots. Within ten minutes, Michael won $250. We continued to play with our allotted money and kept that cashed out ticket safe in my purse. It was awesome. We were home by 11 PM. I zonked out while Michael played video games. A dandy start to our weekend off!

Saturday we went to check out Lincoln. It was pretty awesome. We left around noon and got there about an hour later. Our first stop was La Paz, Mexican restaurant. It was rated as the number one restaurant in Lincoln. It was obvious as to why. The atmosphere was awesome- very much like El Sol in Harrisburg (made me realllly miss that place)- with Mexican-styled paintings and architecture. They started us off with uh-mazing tortillas and salsa. I got shrimp and chicken fajitas, while Michael got Enchiladas La Paz. Yummm!! We finished with flan with orange liquer. It was delightful!

Our next stop was the Sheldon Art Museum, located on the University of Nebraksa campus. It was pretty cool to appreciate art together. It was our first art museum adventure. There were some really neat paintings. They had the "A Mother of Seven Children" by Dorthea Lange (below)! We decided as a couple that we much prefer paintings to pictures, though. Michael got me some really neat tree earrings that are made from recycled wood. I'll have to take pictures and post it.

Then we journeyed to Cool and Collected- a neat antiques market. We purchased a little painting of a sunset in the background and the outline of leaf-less trees on the glass- my favorite kind of picture. Being around "antiques" always prompts a conversation about how the things we have won't last long enough to pass down to our kids. Stuff made today is so cheap and mass produced and intentionally not built to last so you have to keep buying new. It's ridiculous...

Anyways! Michael found a vapor shop and treated himself to a new flavor and tanks.

Next we went to Ten Thousand Villages. It was located in this awesome part of town called Historic Haymarket. It was their downtown trendy area. It had lots of bars, restaurants and cute little shops. Basically it is a bunch of old warehouses that were repurposed into the aforementioned businesses. To boot, it had some cool train station piece to it that looks like it's being developed. I got a nice necklace that has a bunch of colorful beads to go with many outfits. It was made in India. I love it!

It was around 9 PM before we left  Ten Thousand Villages and we were quite hungry. We went to Buzzard Billy's Cajun Restaurant by recommendation of one of the Ten Thousand Villages workers. It was amazing. Probably one of my first Cajun dining experiences, so I didn't have much to compare it to. We started out with Jalepeno Cheese Sticks. Then we ordered the following 2 dinners to share (descriptions directly from their menu):

Chicken Czarina- Medium gulf shrimp, sliced mushrooms, and green onions sautéed in a Creole style Parmesan cream sauce, ladled over a hand breaded, fried chicken breast. Served atop rice with vegetables.

 

The Cajun Combo- It doesn't get anymore Cajun than this. One blackened catfish fillet, a half order of jambalaya, a cup of seafood gumbo and hushpuppies.

They were awesome. After dinner, we were stuffed and tired with about an hour drive ahead of us. We made it home safe and sound before midnight and zonked.

As far as work goes, we met with our supervisor on Thursday to touch base and she said that we are doing a great job and she can tell that we really care to keep doing better. It's always awesome to hear recognition of your hard work. She said she has her cell phone on and by her side when we are working because she's so used to getting calls about the chaos that ensues with new alternate house parents. That made us feel really awesome. Not to say we haven't had our share of crazy times, but we handled them well and used our resources- the assistants and residential on-call. That gave us a huge boost of motivation to keep on chuggin'. One of the kiddos that we really began forming a solid relationship with was moved to another cottage. We were kind of upset about it, but figured it is happening for a reason 'cause God has a plan and vision bigger than we ever see.

Overall, the behaviors that involve limit testing are dwindling. They are getting the hint that we are wising up to their antics and learning the rules ourselves and aren't pushing too much anymore. That's not to say that we think things will get easier. We have quite a few new kiddos and I get the sense that the "honeymoon is [soon] over". It seems these boys go through a cycle where they initially are open to the rules and expectations, then they realize they are here for the long haul, get angry about the monotony of the program and that they are expected to respond to authority, act out, get corrective teachings, then most seem to calm down and learn "how to play the game". Some, it seems, require more than what this program offers and push the limits and get themselves relocated. So... we will see how things go here in the next month or so. School lets out in about a month and a half and that, combined with nice weather, could be an interesting mix.

On that note, I'm off to enjoy the final hours of our weekend off! :-)

New Career Milestone! BAM!

On a work-related note, we finished our on-the-job-training and are on our own!! We started with six days on at the same cottage and it got quite tiring towards the end. While it was a struggle with all the limit-testing, routine-figuring-outting, and boys just being boys... we think we are slowly, but surely getting the hang of things.

So what if I forgot to dispense meds or Michael forgot a van run? The world didn't end (thankfully) and we have learned some pretty valuable lessons!

My PMS worked in my favor this last rotation. It was my personal switching point from passive observer who addressed overt behaviors, to identifying my personal tolerances and lowering them to anything that has a tinge of disrespect. I can get over a kid manipulating my lack of wisdom surrounding snack time and getting two bags of chips, but I will not stand for racist comments or blatant disrespect. BAM! That just happened... It felt good and empowering. Almost like my personal tolerances had become so high between allowing people to treat me poorly most of my life, not having a system of discipline at the school where I worked, and feeling like there wasn't much I could do about either... It was good to reclaim respect for myself and provide and encourage good boundaries and expectations of behavior for the boys.

I heard the song "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real and man did it hit a chord... check out these lyrics:

"I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying,

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone."

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I am called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing dreams that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone..."

It was the perfect reminder moving forward that Michael and I are leaders to these boys, that are still children in so many ways. I've heard research that says for every trauma that has happened in your life, you regress 5-7 years. I know, because I've read their files, these boys have dealt with multiple traumas (to put it lightly), which makes them little boys in mens' bodies. Forced to grow and be strong and never given the chance to just carelessly enjoy childhood. God love 'em.

This is our last day off. We begin another 6-day rotation tomorrow. Three days at one cottage, followed by three days at a different cottage should help. Six days at one cottage was a long stint. For now, Michael has a surprise for my birthday and I think he's just about ready. :-)

Oh, and here's another little thing that is kinda silly but really means the world to me- So at the dining hall each night, the cottages all sit at their own tables, so there is no intermingling. Afterwards, when everyone cleans up, you bump into the other cottages to chat and whatnot. Well... we always heard the kids asking other staff, "When are you coming back to work at our cottage?" I always was jealous... just a little bit. I wanted the kids to want us around... Well... it happened!! I went to the Rec Center the one day and one of the boys from the other cottage asked when I was coming back because he really needed help with Algebra I!!! Yay!! AND!! Two boys asked when we were coming back at the dining hall, which just made my heart melt and leap for joy at the same time!! :-) It really meant a lot. That alone will keep me going for quite some time. Haha... Not to mention, the dining hall is some crazy sort of "Keeping Up with the Jones'" nightmare. Everybody is watching everybody else, it's kinda hostile and it's not very welcoming... So, when a kid says that and it's overheard, it's a big deal. :-)

Hopefully updates won't be as few and far between!!

Love and God Bless,
Lena